MATURITY

My father came to lecture at my college in February 1981 during my final semester there before I graduated. What follow are notes I took on a talk he gave on the topic of Maturity:

1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I used to

speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child;

when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

Don't confuse maturing with rotting. When you stop maturing, your start rotting! Sin interrupted the eternal maturation which God had intended for Adam and so death was the result. But now Christ has given us eternal life, and death is just yet another step in the sequence of maturing, developing, growing in the kingdom of God.

• We are unwitting instruments in the hands of the Spirit, as children.
• Things which were appealing to me as a child no longer have any significance.
• Being a child is automatic, being an adult is willful. Believers must consciously put off the childish thing and take on Christ.
• To justify my behavior today because God approved it yesterday has absolutely no ground in Scripture.
• Some characteristics of childhood never change: e.g. trust - necessary to maintain solid strong relationship

"faith of a child" - as you have received him, so walk in him

You can never have any greater faith

than when you received Christ as Savior.

The child seeks self-edification.

The mature person seeks edification of [others] the Body of Christ.

Ephesians 4:14-15

...we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.

Speaking the truth in love,

we will grow up into Him who is the Head.

1Co 14:20

... do not be children in your thinking;

... but in your thinking be mature.

In understanding be an adult.

Philippians 4:8

... whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Controlled thinking is a mark of maturity.

MUSINGS on PASTA NIGHT #1

Every Tuesday, at our house in Phoenixville, our family hosts PASTA NIGHT. It is simple really: we boil water, put in some variety of pasta noodles, and wait to see who will arrive to share dinner with us. Any number of people may show up, some whom we expect because they are regulars, others who come for any number of reasons. This past week we had 18 people sitting at our table(s). The week before we counted 21.

I consider this weekly ritual of hospitality to be a legacy of my parents. They often would find themselves spontaneously hosting large groups of friends whom my brother and I would invite over the house after church or after school or who knows when. I don't ever remember them balking at having so many so suddenly in our home hoping to be fed and entertained. We were blessed to live in a large home well-designed for entertaining guests. Yet the house would have been nothing had it not been for the gracious spirit of hospitality which inhabited my beloved mother and father.

In future posts I will review past and present PASTA NIGHTS and reflect on how hospitality has become a hallmark tradition in the Tavani family.

Being married

Doing stuff reveals the truth about knowing stuff. I am married and this makes me realize over and over again how much I don't "know" about marriage. All the words I have from my father, all the lessons he tried to help me learn, all the time I shared with him, all this amounts to nothing except for how I put all this into practice. That which is real reveals the truth in what is ideal - I may imagine I know what marriage is, but this ideal of what I know must daily confront the reality of my relationship with my own wife.

I write this because I want to teach others what is true. I want my words to be backed up by whatever works in my own marriage. Perhaps I'll have my wife post items on this blog as well. After all, she is the reason why I am married.

Hmmm ... telling the story of my own marriage may be the truest way of teaching Marriage and the Family as my father intended it to be taught. We'll see.

NJT Review

Reviewed work: Marriage and the Family Today by Keith Melville
Teaching Sociology, Vol. 17, No. 1 (Jan., 1989), pp. 104-105

(review consists of 2 pages)
Published by: American Sociological Association

Ephesians 5

(New American Standard Bible)

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love,
just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us,

an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

But
immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you,

as is proper among saints;

and
there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting,
but rather giving of thanks.
For this you know with certainty, that
no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater,

has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

Let no one deceive you with empty words,
for because of these things

the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

Therefore
do not be partakers with them;
for you were formerly darkness,
but now you are Light in the Lord;
walk as children of Light

(for the fruit of the Light consists in

all goodness and righteousness and truth),

trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness,
but instead even expose them;
for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.
But all things become visible

when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.

For this reason it says,

"Awake, sleeper,
And arise from the dead,
And Christ will shine on you."

Therefore
be careful how you walk, not as unwise men
but as wise,

making the most of your time, because the days are evil.
So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation,
but be filled with the Spirit,

speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,

singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;
always giving thanks for all things
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;
and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
Wives,
be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ,
so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
so that He might sanctify her,

having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory,
having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing;

but that she would be holy and blameless.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his own wife loves himself;
for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

FOR THIS REASON

A MAN

SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO

HIS WIFE,
AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife

even as himself,

and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Paradigm foundational to the understanding of LOVE

COMPONENT - eros
Requirements for use - Our body
Re: the Subject to the Lover - What I can get
Context of Development - Biological
Demands upon the Subject - Nothing to do
Nature - Neutral
Process - Normal
Results - Behavior alters ideas

As a Predicate eros is feeling.
Boundaries of eros set by the nervous system.
How it is measured:

Pleasant feeling
The Form Defining it:

Physiological law
Behavior of Love:

Doing what comes naturally
Morality and eros:

Knows no morality except itself

COMPONENT - philos
Requirements for use - Expenditure of time, mutual
Re: the Subject to the Lover - What I can share
Context of Development - Social interaction
Demands upon the Subject - Must do half of interaction
Nature - Symbolic
Process - Hope of reciprocity
Results - Bonding develops

As a Predicate philos is sharing.

Boundaries of philos set mutally by friends.

How it is measured:

Friendship

The Form Defining it:

Social law

Behavior of Love:

Being sociable

Morality and philos:

Moral code emerges among & is valid for those in reciprocal relationship

COMPONENT - storge
Requirements for use - Functional level of acculturation
Re: the Subject to the Lover - What I can understand
Context of Development - Cultural patterns
Demands upon the Subject - Learn what to do
Nature - Passive, Intellectual
Process - Knowledge of cultural definition
Results - Reinforces cultural norms

As a Predicate storge is knowing.
Boundaries of storge set by culture .
How it is measured:

Social norms
The Form Defining it:

Cultural law

Behavior of Love:

Knowing what is culturally acceptable
Morality and storge

determined by mores

COMPONENT - agape
Requirements for use - Exercise of the Will
Re: the Subject to the Lover - What I can give
Context of Development - Spiritual reconciliation
Demands upon the Subject - Everything
Nature - Initiating
Process - Rational decision to act on behalf of object
Results - Ideas modify behavior

As a Predicate agape is giving.
Boundaries of agape set by the lover.
How it is measured:

Sacrifice
The Form Defining it:

The New Law
Behavior of Love:

Reflecting on what is Godly
Morality and agape:

The only source for an authentic morality

Christian Marriage and the Family

I am teaching this theology course at Immaculata University during the fall semester of 2008. This is a thrilling opportunity for me given that my father taught a sociology course in Marriage and the Family for over 35 years.

Course Description
This course offers a study of the history and theology of marriage and family life by tracing the Judeo-Christian understanding of marriage from the Old Testament through the New Testament to the present. Special attention is given to recent Catholic Church documents regarding marriage and family life.

Course Objectives
· To examine and understand the scriptural underpinnings of marriage and the family as communion, covenant, sacrament and institution
· To see the family as a communion of persons vital for a culture of life
· To see marriage and the family in the light of a theological anthropology, that is, in the context of the image and likeness of the divine; special attention will focus on the theology of the body introduced by Pope John Paul II.

Perspectives (adapted from what my father provided to his students)
This is a theology course considering marriage and the family. As such, we will explore human relationships in the context of God and what God has revealed to be true concerning human beings. We shall look at particular human behaviors as a function of God’s created order.

Too often those studying human behavior take on the role of debunker, gloating in one’s ability to lift up the covers and peek underneath to see what may be there, or as one might say, “what’s really there!” Indeed, we all can be taught to skillfully use the same tools which artisans use to build a strong, complex and attractive building to instead render that building inoperative and ultimately destroy it. Frankly, I am not interested in turning out a bunch of cynics who now have the intellectual tools to peek into every relationship and scoff at the tenderness, faith and hope that keep it together – strong and powerful through all sorts of adversities and discouragement. I would rather teach you to use all the tools available to you to build and maintain productive, satisfying relationships, and happy, successful families.

Rather than give any more time and invest much more money in the study of deviance, we should focus on the normal state. Actually, it is easier – and less morbid – to study the happy family rather than the unhappy one. It was Leo Tolstoy who expressed it succinctly and accurately in 1875 in the opening statement of Anna Karenia:

“All happy families are alike,
but an unhappy family is unhappy after its own fashion.”

To be a good car driver, one does not go to the junk yard to study the anatomy of wrecks and the statistics on car failures and crashes. Rather, one would go to those who build cars and who understand the mechanisms which function interdependently in order for the car to operate properly. One also learns the laws (or norms) of the road so that the vehicle can be operated along with many other vehicles in order to experience mutual support, safety and success in the driving experience. In this course, we will seek to identify, understand, and use the mechanisms which make for healthy human relationships and happy families – not ideal or perfect families, for such do not exist except, perhaps, for a second or two!

Since I cannot say everything about Christian marriage and the family (principally because I do not know everything), nor do we have the time to say even all that I do know, I must make choices within these constraints as to the essential contents and indirection of this course. In this course I would like to make a valid positive statement about marriage and the family. In doing so, I will challenge the assumptions that material wealth and adherence to a basically hedonistic and secularistic world-view are necessary – or even supportive – to the kind of human intimacy that results in communion between the couple in a marriage and among the members of a family. Christian marriage is not only good and desirable but the very thing by which we understand our relationship with God, and the family that comes from such marriage is the model God Himself uses to teach us His intentions for the Church. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches us:

“The Church is nothing other than ‘the family of God.’ ”